Soooo much has changed since then, but one thing hasn’t.
It was April, 2001. My (then) husband took the hospital staff’s advice to get me out for a couple of hours for fresh air.
To release a momentary out-breath from our ordeal, and perhaps take in a gentle caress from the sea breeze, he parked the car as close as possible to the darkening water’s edge of Coogee Beach, Sydney.
My insides felt like they were outside, and I borrowed some sense of containment from the glass and metal perimeter of the car. As we came to somewhere to park, my eyes came to rest on a sight that drove deeper into the heartbreak I was feeling for my baby’s birth – and death. In a mix of fury and futility, what I saw stung deep into the same place inside that reveres the gift of this life and this planet.
What triggered me wildly was merely an everyday event throughout the world at this point, a small pile of McDonalds litter and a passing group of intimidating, energetically aggressive, lost, over-entitled hollering and bottle-swaying young ‘men.’
No big deal, but… I wanted to scream. To wail. Like the mama in Avatar when Home Tree was struck down.
I buried in my throat, this primal roar that came fresh from the gateway of life and death with something of a mandate to wake up the de-sacralized world. As it is in grief and shock, I had been bargaining with the Mystery to give me back my baby, to have another chance at successful delivery, to do anything it took, anything at all, to nurture, guard and protect this precious life that, in an instant, slipped through our waiting hands. I bargained equally to give my other twin son, freshly born alongside him, for a chance to re-do-better-this-time, to go back in time and erase the harrowing start to his first breaths on life support and first days in intensive care. Though unrealistic, I was looking for some reflection in the world outside the hospital that would say, “Yes, we agree…life is so precious.” And I took the litter personally.
As the breeze carried the shouts of displaced testosterone and hamburger wrappers together in one waft, I begged quietly to the forces to give us a moment to sit at the loving arms of the Pacific Ocean without noise and interference…a moment to pray into the darkening sky over the water, as though that water were like a grandma that could hold us for a moment. Did the litter-tossers and bottle-swaying intimidators know how precious this Oceanside is? Did they have any sense of their own precious souls that don’t need overinflated self-importance and power-tripping? That they can come out of the lost-ness? Did anyone know how to show them?
Since then, seventeen years, a divorce, an existential wander through the desert, tree-change, a relationship journey, miscarriage, and lessons galore have passed…Events and experiences that have pulled me into the dark mysteries of soul whilst outwardly doing my work in the field. My surviving twin is a fine young man himself now, (if I do say so), and our reconfigured family has been blessed with a new life to bring forth into our world. It is my sheer delight to share with you that my daughter joined us Earth-side early this year.
Tya incarnated, grew, and delivered strongly, auspiciously, and darn right sacredly to a song playing in the car that you couldn’t pick better. We had to pull over and where did we end up but a local lookout to the Pacific that receives the first light in Australia, into her daddy’s hands, and against the odds after having not only previous birth trauma but giving up that the daughter I longed for would actually manifest at all.
Her presence, just six months old at the time of my writing, continues to strike awe in me everyday. Love, and resolve. Resolve to help her stay true to who she is.
I see in her the Original Self tucked within us all, full of soul sensitivity, soul memory, soul medicine, and code. I want her to keep it, and I want us to find our way back if we lost it.
I see her trusting openness and how she flinches and contracts, when something course or harsh in volume or stance passes by. Amidst the occasional assaults to her nervous system and energy body, even in our semi-rural idyllic area of Byron Shire, I wonder how long I will be able to manage to hold her within the sacred, enchanted, nature-based, soul-based realms, before the wider out-of-control, ego-born influences vie for her consciousness, energy, and identity. This is not just our journey of course, but a wider one.
More than ever, I envision the deep inner self that we were born as, come to fully be.
More than ever, I trust in the mysterious ways of soul to guide our lives.
More than ever, I mean business when I say let’s do what we can to make a global home that the human soul can flourish in and the wild of this Earth is given the status of the utmost sacred.
Rain Czupryna, July 2018
If depth work for the soul is your work too,
we are blessed to have…
Bill Plotkin in Australia in November 2018
For the past decade or so, no matter what course, workshop or ceremony I have facilitated, I have literally taken my marked-up, tattered and worn version of Soulcraft with me. So many of us have found relief and guidance in Bill’s ability to name and support the journey of descent into soul, especially in a way that is grounded, relatable, and encouraging of psycho-spiritual maturation (not just love and light and thankfully not towards disembodied spirituality nor spiritual ego). I am so grateful for his work to provide the maps and articulation that has made so many of us feel sane when we have left the consensus reality of ego, when we have yearned for communion between the wild within us and the wild of Earth; when we have taken into our bones, the imperative to honour the sacred.
I am beyond excited that Bill is coming here, and hope you can join.
So, to work directly with the genius behind the books: Soulcraft, Nature and the Human Soul, and Wild Mind; and the Founder of Animus Valley Institute (USA), here is the first opportunity to do so on Aussie soil.
Go to www.soulcraftaustralia.com.au. These programs are for those already familiar with depth work and/or are Professional Human Development Guides, (psychologists, psychotherapists, coaches, ceremony facilitators, those engendering humankind and future generations with soul-based consciousness.